weddings and traveling

saw someone i knew in high school got married today. always wonder what it's like to marry at 20, 21. to think that's the person you're going to be with for the rest of your life. i've not been on this earth long enough to have that much object permanence about anything but my parents & my brother. i'm always so curious about what prompts people to make that sorta choice. how do you meet someone -- who you've not even known since hs -- and decide to marry them? i mean i guess if you met them fresh outta high school, that's four years (18, 19, 20, 21 -- which, oh dear lord). but even so. there's so much life left to live. so many people still left to meet, to fall in love with. how can you be so sure right now? we're really not that old.

the other thing i've got on my mind is this whole fuckary surrounding the israel trip. i'm not sure i'm going to be testing negative by the time i need to get on that plane. in fact, i'm pretty sure i won't be. that's really fucking scary to me. i'm also not sure what i'm supposed to tell the nurse practitioner tomorrow either. do i tell her 'yeah, sooo i tested positive twice [presuming i test positive tonight] but don't put me back in the globe.'? do i tell her i've not tested at all. what if she asks me to and i fail! too many unknowns are stressing me the fuck out. i really really hate this whole fuckary so badly. i'm also not sure i really want to go to israel? like yeah, getting out of the country is great and all but i want to go home so badly. i yearn. i feel like there's a magnet pulling me west and going further east isn't going to help at all. i want to be home w my parents and my cat and my city and my state goddamnit!!